Which side of the tree of life are you living on?

When you see a tree what comes to your mind?  Pleasant memories growing up as a child?  A place to go for shade or gather cover from the rain?  A great piece of fruit, vine ripened and juicy waiting to eat?

For most of us the tree symbolizes a happy time, a place of exploration and freedom. 
As you look at the tree of life what do you immediately notice?

Can you see there are no leaves and the branches are dead on the left side and there is growth and green leaves on the right?

Just like a tree that has a root system, we as people have a starting place many of us call our family roots.  Our personal history.  Those experiences and events that shape and determine who we have become today.

As children all we wanted was the love and acceptance of our parents.  As we grow up we discovered that what it took to get Mom’s approval often times was different than Dad’s.

If both of your parents were not around or one or both having there own issues trying to survive growing up themselves there was little time and attention for you.  So you learned quickly what you needed to do to get the love you have always wanted.

If you did not get that love and acceptance as you grew up you looked to friends or other things.  Most young people did not get their needs met either.  Many times youth look to people who do not have the emotional maturity and get attention in un-healthy ways, causing them to possibly hang out with the wrong crowds.

Then we get old enough to date we think that any person who showed any form of attention might love you. So you get in a relationship soon to find out that the person you are dating did not get the love and acceptance they needed and you are off on a rollercoaster from one unsatisfying relationship to another.

Alcohol, drugs, sex or violence becomes the new way to fill the holes in your soul going from one empty experience to another.

You get a job thinking that burying yourself into your career and making money will finally make you feel like a “somebody”.  You may even become a workaholic.

Now you have the great paying job, a marriage that is not that loving so you think, “Let’s have children”,  hoping that you can pour your time and attention into your next generation trying to fill the  hole in your soul.  The spiraling down cycle continues from one family to the next.

Does any of this sound like your experience?

There is great news. You can stop this cycle of dysfunction by understanding and applying the tree of life to building a self esteem affirming lifestyle.

As you read the words on the left side of the self image tree how many of them can you relate to?  What percentage of your day is filled feeling and experiencing those words?

Our definition of self image is a mask, an imitation or representation of what you think you should, ought or must be.  It is comparison.

Since we wanted the love and acceptance of our parents we would do and probably are still trying to do anything to get it.  Many times our parents did not get their needs met so there is little room for them to help you feel loved and accepted because they even had less than you did.  You can’t give something you don’t have.

At the bottom of the tree you can see the words value judging and comparison.
This is what a self image lifestyle produces.

Value judging is where you judge someone else’s thoughts feelings or behavior, right or wrong based on your own or others criteria of what is acceptable.

Value judging is the killer to your self esteem because it robs you of the God given acceptance that everyone wants.

Comparison leads to the feeling that you don’t measure up.  That you are not worthy or deserving. 
 
When you live a self image life you are filled with pain and emptiness that leaves you searching for that next quick fix of fleeting pleasure from whatever vices you have learned to temporarily fill the voids in your life.

Now look at the right side of the tree of self esteem.  Read the words.  How many of them can you relate to?
How much of your life have you experienced living on the right side of the tree?

If you are like most of us you have spent time on both sides.

How do we live more on the right side of the tree of self esteem?

Our definition of self esteem is the way you feel about yourself.  It is the self respect you feel for yourself.

At the bottom of the self esteem side are the words faith, hope, love and TUA.

When you live a life of self esteem you feel faith, hope and love of God, yourself and others.

You may be asking yourself what is TUA?  TUA or pronounced as “tooah”.  TUA is the thing every human being has been seeking all of their lives and probably still are today.  TUA stands for total, unconditional acceptance.

When was the last time you felt totally and unconditionally accepted?
If you are like most people you can count possibly only a few people if any that loved and accepted you just the way you are with no conditions.

If you did not receive TUA, you continually hope to find it.  You may be so disappointed that you stopped looking and given up that you could be loved with TUA.

To the degree you have experienced TUA is the degree you can give it to others.

You can only give what you have experienced unless you get the tools and teachings to turn it around.

Some people say that we are to judge others.  The bible clearly lets us know that God is the only one to pass judgment.  We are to forgive and accept.  This is possible when you live a self esteem affirming lifestyle.

Accepting totally and unconditionally does not mean you condone everything.  By accepting the person and the fact that the event took place whether you like it or not frees you to separate the person from their behavior.  Accept the person and deal with the behavior.   When our children do something we do not like, we still love them and correct the behavior in a way that builds their self esteem.

How do you do this you ask?

One choice at a time.  Each day choose thoughts, feelings and behavior that allow you to live on the self esteem side of the tree.   Watch what happens as you build on a self esteem lifestyle.  You will be happier, have better relationships and be more successful.
You will feel the love and TUA, total unconditional acceptance you have always been looking for.

By Bill McGrane.  For copies of the Tree of Life and more on these ideas call McGrane Global Centers at 859-384-6333 or www.mcgrane.com.