The Choices We Make Determine the Direction of Our life

Choices — we make them every day.  Or do we?  That is, do we make them consciously, or are most of our choices automatic?  Making choices consciously is how we can change our lives.  How can we make choices consciously and in ways that best utilize and enhance our Self-Esteem?

Let’s begin by defining what we mean by “choice”.  Is a choice the same as a decision?  Many people make a distinction between them. Some decisions are “BIG”: “Shall we buy that new house in the better school district?”; “Shall I take that new job?”; or “Is it best for my company to market Product A or Product B?” The word “Decision” sounds so FINAL, as though there is no going back once the decision has been made.

Other choices often seem so much simpler, like “Shall I have dessert?” or “What golf club shall I use for this shot?”  These type of choices appear to have less effect on our lives.  They may be more open-ended and we know we can always do it over again.

Nevertheless, choices and decisions involve the same process.  We weigh alternatives (sometimes not for very long) and then we take an action.  Choices still affect the outcomes of our lives. Decisions can still be changed by making another one.  In order to highlight this similarity and to eliminate some of the anxiety associated with “decisions,” I will use the word “choices” for all of the selections that we make in our lives.

How do you learn to make choices that enhance your Self-Esteem and get the outcomes you want?  First, focus on outcomes–the results of the choice.  Identify what the outcomes will be from each of the alternatives (at minimum three and preferably more alternatives).  Determine what you will see, hear, and feel with each alternative.  From this sensory experience, choose which anticipated outcome you want most.  Immediately, take some action toward that choice.  DO SOMETHING.  As you continue to act toward your preferred outcome, relate what you see, hear, and feel, with what you want.  If you like what you are getting, continue doing it.  If you don’t like what you are getting, do something else!

Let’s say you are trying to choose what project to work on today.  First, consider what the alternatives are:

  1) You could finish the report on your recent tour of the West Coast client offices.
  2) You could write a proposal for the new project you thought of during the trip.
  3) You could catch up on your mail and the work (and gossip) your colleagues have been involved with in your absence.

Consider the outcomes from each choice.  If you write the report, you see yourself sitting all day at your computer and writing, with the end result a neat finished copy at the end of the day. You hear the boss tomorrow morning saying what a fruitful trip you had, and that the money was well-spent.  You feel your own sense of satisfaction at your accomplishment.

The new proposal is a speculative one which could mean lots of profits for the company if it works.  Since you know this is a long term project, you focus just on writing the proposal. Again, you see yourself working, and you see the finished proposal. You remember the excitement in the client’s voice when you mentioned the idea to her last week.  You feel your convictions growing as you put the ideas on paper and you realize how much fun you will have as you develop the proposal.  At the same time, you know this will delay the trip report, and it will be a challenge to get your boss to go along with the idea.
  
Finally, you could go and visit with others in the office.  You see yourself looking at the latest West Coast sales projections with Bob, and weighing them with what you have just learned from the clients.  In your mind you hear the excellent news about last quarter’s sales (and you hear Bob laughing as you tell him that great joke you heard in Seattle).  Finally, you feel how glad you are to be back with your buddies in the office.

Based on all of this, you choose to write the proposal for the new project.  Now that you have decided, you immediately set to work by writing an outline and drawing a picture of the new product.  As you continue to work, you monitor your reactions and whether or not you are getting what you wanted.  Perhaps about 10 o’clock you feel that you really miss talking to Bob.  Though you had initially planned to have lunch in your office, you call him up and set a time to go to lunch together.
How does your Self-Esteem relate to the choice-making process we have just described?  First, your Self-Esteem affects the accuracy of your perceptions and predictions.  When you are feeling respectful of yourself (my definition of Self-Esteem), your projected outcomes are independent of your ego-of any need to do things only to please others.

In the example above, you might have chosen to write the report because you knew you would get praise from the boss.  From a Self-Esteem standpoint, this is not a consideration in the choice-making process.

Second, Self-Esteem affects your connection with your feelings and your connection with others.  There is more to effective choices than the material side of what you see and hear.  Perhaps it was because of your Self-Esteem that you noticed your client’s enthusiasm for your new idea.  You allow the child-like sense of wonder and having fun to influence your choices.  Additionally, when you are in touch with your feelings, you know when you are not getting precisely the outcome you want and you take action to change it.  Choosing lunch with Bob was a response to feelings.

Third, your Self-Esteem affects your willingness to consider new alternatives, new ways of doing things, and not just continuing with more of the same.  A proposal for a new project is more likely to be considered when you make choices from a Self-Esteem perspective.

Making choices helps to build Self-Esteem too.  Choosing for yourself increases your feelings of self-respect, your Self-Esteem.  You realize your capability and responsibility for building your own life and your own Self-Esteem, choice by choice and outcome by outcome.

Sometimes we think that the big choices, life’s “decisions”, are the most important.  In fact it’s the little things we do every day that make the difference over the long term — things as simple as choosing what to work on today or how we will treat ourselves and others.

Throughout this article, we have taken the perspective that you know what you really, really, really want.  To make appropriate choices on an ongoing basis, you need to know what is truly important to you, what the overall outcome is for your life.  You need to know your values: “When your values are clear, choices are easy.”  Self-Esteem lets you discover and live your values.

Does this process describe a useful way for you to make choices? What new choices can you practice with this process?  When will you take action on one of those new choices?

Bill McGrane is President of the McGrane Global Centers creators of the Making it Happen and Move Into Your Greatness. The Centers offers, keynotes, seminars, consulting and products that improve individual and organizational performance. You can create highly responsible teams and produce a culture of responsibility.

Call 859-384-6333 or mcgrane@mcgrane.com or view our web site at www.mcgrane.com