Archive for personal development
How Can You Be An Interesting Conversationalist?
Posted by: | CommentsHow many interesting conversations have you had today, this week, or this year? How many have you had in your lifetime? What is an interesting conversation to you? Is it only when someone makes you the center of attention?
Some people are superlative communicators. Others may be hungry to learn the Art of Conversation. Who listens to you as you talk about your ideas, feelings, and interests? Who do you listen to? We have a tendency to listen to someone who first is interested in us. Then we find it is easier to listen to them.
The television and the computer have influenced our personal and professional interaction dramatically. All skills take practice – practice -practice. Planning and preparation are the keys to any success. I believe 95% of personal and career success is the result of our communication skills. The foundation of our communication skills is our Self-Esteem. How can you improve your conversation competence?
First: Develop a powerful vocabulary. Words are tools you have to verbally communicate what thoughts and feelings are going on inside of you. Learn a new word every day. Write it five times and then put the word into a sentence. You can add 365 new words to your vocabulary each year with this process.
Second: Develop your voice so people are comfortable listening to you. Notice the qualities of the voices you like. Decide to cultivate your voice. Speak into a tape recorder and discover the nuances in your speech that can be improved. Sing your favorite songs in the shower and read out loud. This will help you to add color and style to your speaking voice.
Third: Be aware of your body language. Are you aware of your facial expressions? What are your facial expressions saying to the person ? Are they congruent with what you want to communicate? How is the positioning of your body affecting you and the person in front of you? Do you have open or closed body posture? Are you having eye contact? Do you give each person your undivided attention?
It is important to avoid the conversation errors of interrupting and stepping on peoples’ sentences before they finish. Remember, communication power is: 7% words, 38% tone of voice, and 55% body language. Upgrade, refine, and develop these three areas. Take one new action a day. Make it easy. As you layer these actions, day after day, you will surprised at the skills you have acquired in three, six, and twelve months.
Above all – enjoy your conversations, have fun, and then, watch what happens!
McGrane Global Centers can help you with your conversation and communication skills! Look into our Seminars as well as other Self-Help, Motivational Products.
Are Self-Image And Self-Esteem Different?
Posted by: | CommentsMy qualitative research convinces me that Self-Esteem is the number one issue to be addressed in order to obtain the best results in life. For over 45 years, I have asked these questions:
1. How come I hurt so much?
2. How come other people hurt so much?
3. How come there are millions of people addicted to food, alcohol and drugs?
4. How come there is so much violence?
5. How come 85% of American workers are unfulfilled in what they do?
Do you remember how you felt about yourself 5-10-15 years ago? Where is your Self-Esteem now? How would you have answered the questions below 5-10-15 years ago and now? How will you answer them 5-10-15 years from now?
1. What is your purpose for living?
2. What do you like least about yourself?
3. What do you like best about yourself?
4. Who made the greatest impact on your life?
5. What did that person do for you?
6. What makes you most alive?
7. What new skill(s) will you learn in the next 5-10-15 years?
8. What legacy will you leave behind for having lived your life?
What memories do you want to create, to look back on 5-10-15 years from now, that will be different from your past memories? The reality is that you will create memories of Self-image or Self-Esteem. What is the difference?
Self-image is an imitation or representation of what you want to present to the world. It is comparison of yourself and others. It is a facade; unreal. Self-Esteem is the self respect you feel for yourself.
How do you know if your Self-Esteem is intact? When you were born, you had intact Self-Esteem. It is your birthright. Every baby receives that gift. As soon as you met significant others, such as, mother, father, or other caretakers, siblings, uncles, aunts, and grandparents, there were op-portunities for comparison with other peoples’ skills, appearance, and behavior.
You may have heard:
1. “You are bad.”
2. “You can’t do that.”
3. “I wish you were never born!”
4. “Why aren’t you like your brother or sister?”
5. “I’m ashamed of you.”
6. “You will never amount to anything.”
7. “You don’t live up to my expectations.”
8. “Who do you think you are?”
9. “You are stupid.”
10. “When will you ever learn?”
All of those words could cut you to the bone. If you heard these statements it is likely you have remembered them all of your life. These words impacted you more if your parents put you down or criticized you. These comments are all based on Self-Image and they can destroy your Self-Esteem!
As you move forward in your life, different times of the year will cause memories to emerge. The pleasure or pain of previous experiences influences the actions you will take. For example, you may be one of many people who, during the Christmas season, do not want to go home because your parents still treat you like a child, bringing up painful childhood memories. You may make other plans to avoid such pain. Then, feelings of guilt could emerge. As a result, you may feel so pressured that you go home even though you do not want to. How do you release the painful memories and create pleasure?
Do you recall a favorite story when you were a child? Did you ask a parent to read you the story over and over again? Do you know how come you wanted to listen? Would you agree the answer is that you knew the endings which made you feel safe, secure and familiar? Do you still want to know the endings to feel safe, secure and familiar?
I believe any memory that makes you feel uncomfortable is something you may want to avoid; like going home for the holidays. However, what can you do to create happy memories? How can you avoid comparing NOW with then?
Accept yourself where you are right now! Avoid comparison (Self-Image) and create more pleasure in your life. Decide now to develop your Self-Esteem. As you feel better about yourself, you attract the same feelings from others. Begin by practicing what is written below:
1. Avoid all put downs and criticism of self and others.
2. Release all gossip.
3. Avoid hanging onto painful past experiences. Let them go.
4. Focus on the best qualities of yourself and every member of your family.
5. Be other-centered. Give your undivided attention to each person you meet.
6. Upgrade your external listening skills.
7. Refine your Art of Asking Questions.
8. Ask people to share information with you, about their life experiences.
9. Develop more friendly relationships with each person in your family.
10. Create new memories so next year you can build on this year’s memory investment.
11. Realize the meaning of your communication is the outcome you receive.
12. Learn the power of affirmations and affirm each person you meet.
13. Choose each word carefully. Harsh words usually cause pain and soft words usually create pleasure.
Decide to develop your Self-Esteem – the self-respect you feel for yourself and then, watch what happens!
How do you know if your Self-Esteem is intact? Fill out this survey and “find out who you are!”
Is Gossip A Self-Esteem Issue?
Posted by: | CommentsDo you gossip? Do you know anyone who gossips? Have you participated with others who gossip? Does your spouse gossip? Do your children gossip?
There are at least 2,700 magazines published. The next time you go to a supermarket or bookstore, notice how many headlines are all gossip. They attempt to persuade you to scan and buy the magazine to dig deeper into more gossip.
What is the purpose of gossip? My conviction is that if you gossip you put someone “down” in an attempt to put yourself “up”. With gossip, you are attempting, consciously or nonconsciously, to make yourself look and feel better at the expense of others. You may temporarily feel better. Yet, in the long run you will discover that gossip is a form of comparison which damages your Self-Esteem.
In the past, many of us learned about the behavior of Pete Rose, Donald Trump, Roseanne Barr, Charles Keating and thousands of others who were in the gossip spotlight. These people became the topic of conversation for hours, days and months. Family and friends may have become involved in recounting the “scoop” to determine who had the best data and the most recent news.
When I was growing up in a small Pennsylvania town, I listened to and participated in gossip. Many ethnic groups created the climate for gossip. They would speak Italian, Polish, Slovak, and Lithuanian. My parents would gossip about anyone. They had unintact Self-Esteem and attempted to pass on their “put down” comments to their children. My parents did not know that I had relationships with many of the people who belonged in those diverse groups. Therefore, I refused to gossip about them.
If you participate in consistent gossip, it intensifies your pain and influences your relationships. You are likely to associate with like-minded people who love to gossip and eventually you become the focus of gossip. People remember your conversations and gradually avoid you because you welcome every opportunity to share the latest rumors or character assassination information with anyone who will listen. Your Self-Esteem is gradually and continually destroyed.
Someone said recently that the 80’s were the years of greed and the focus of the 90’s is envy. Is it possible that one of the components of gossip is an envy?
Webster defines gossip as – “to indulge in idle talk or rumors about others.” Webster says envy is – “the painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.”
Are the 90’s the Age of Envy and Gossip? Many of the seventy-five million Baby Boomers (those born between 1946-1964) attempted to “have it all”. Now they are moving into mid-life, a phase when limits begin to surface. Millions want the fast track to success. They changed jobs and careers in an attempt to get ahead faster. Many frequently moved to more expensive homes as real estate values increased. Now, some Baby Boomers realize that they may need to buy a less expensive home to live in because the real estate and job market has changed. They may also realize that they have not achieved the outcomes they wanted.
Fierce competition in the workplace and a shaky corporate environment has destroyed job security. There are fewer opportunities for new positions, promotions, and perks (extra benefits like bonuses, etc.). What if the economic slowdown continues during the next 10 to 20 years? Will these conditions create a fertile ground for increased gossip and envy?
The stock market crash of 1987 could have been the first bitter downturn. As we move toward the year 2000, many relationships, financial outcomes and career aspirations will be affected. How will this impact everyone’s Self-Esteem?
The magazine Psychology Today said: “Not everyone who expected to own a home or reach other financial aims will realize them.” I say, not everyone who expected to attend undergraduate, graduate or professional school will be able to afford it. Not everyone who expected to reach career objectives set in earlier, less competitive times, will succeed. Not everyone who expected to marry will find a mate. Not everyone who expected to be a parent and deferred childbearing will be able to have a family. Not everyone who simply expected companionship will find someone to be their companion.
These realities can create the environment for more envy and gossip. As disappointment grows and as ambitions and desires are thwarted, social conditions are ripe for a destructive epidemic of envy and gossip.
So, how is Self-Esteem related to gossip? Our definition of Self-Esteem is “The self respect I feel for myself.” My self respect is demonstrated in every word and action I choose when I interact with anyone. Therefore, the person who receives the most punishment, if I gossip, is me. I carry those feelings around with me for the rest of my life. When I choose to release gossip and criticism, my feelings change immediately. My Self-Esteem is more intact, therefore, I respect and accept myself more.
Start now to monitor your conversations. Notice how many times gossip becomes the focus of a discussion. Then pay attention to your feelings afterwards. Are they painful feelings? This is unintact Self-Esteem.
The next time you hear someone gossip, you may want to consider saying: “Mary (use gossiper’s first name), I don’t know anything about that, you may want to talk with John (the center of the gossip) about it.” Say that every time and then watch what happens. Your Self-Esteem will increase and you will participate in more exciting, purposeful conversations.
When you make affirming statements about people, you also create feelings of intact Self-Esteem for yourself. I believe our Self-Esteem determines the choices we make as we communicate with each other. There are six levels of communications:
1. Trivia
2. People talking (can be gossip with unintact Self-Esteem)
3. Opinions
4. Ideas
5. Feelings
6. Plateau communication
Decide now to make only affirming statements about others. It may help you be a more fulfilled human being. I believe you will be healthier. I also believe you could then have more in-depth, mutually beneficial meaningful relationships. I feel you may also enjoy more peace of mind, eliminate scarcity from your life, and experience more abundance.
To better insure freedom from gossip and envy, repeat and take action on these affirmations 3 times a day:
1. I now accept myself totally and unconditionally.
2. I now free myself from all self-destructive criticism.
3. I now give unconditional warm regard to all people at all times.
4. I now show that I am 100% alive by acting with great enthusiasm.
5. I now choose to be completely self-determined and I allow others that same right.
6. I now release all comparison of myself and others.
Notice and release gossip from your conversations and then, watch what happens!
As human beings, we begin our preparation for life as a youth. McGrane Global Centers works with students, ages 8-24 in preparation for LIFE!
