Archive for Peace and harmony
Are Self-Image And Self-Esteem Different?
Posted by: | CommentsMy qualitative research convinces me that Self-Esteem is the number one issue to be addressed in order to obtain the best results in life. For over 45 years, I have asked these questions:
1. How come I hurt so much?
2. How come other people hurt so much?
3. How come there are millions of people addicted to food, alcohol and drugs?
4. How come there is so much violence?
5. How come 85% of American workers are unfulfilled in what they do?
Do you remember how you felt about yourself 5-10-15 years ago? Where is your Self-Esteem now? How would you have answered the questions below 5-10-15 years ago and now? How will you answer them 5-10-15 years from now?
1. What is your purpose for living?
2. What do you like least about yourself?
3. What do you like best about yourself?
4. Who made the greatest impact on your life?
5. What did that person do for you?
6. What makes you most alive?
7. What new skill(s) will you learn in the next 5-10-15 years?
8. What legacy will you leave behind for having lived your life?
What memories do you want to create, to look back on 5-10-15 years from now, that will be different from your past memories? The reality is that you will create memories of Self-image or Self-Esteem. What is the difference?
Self-image is an imitation or representation of what you want to present to the world. It is comparison of yourself and others. It is a facade; unreal. Self-Esteem is the self respect you feel for yourself.
How do you know if your Self-Esteem is intact? When you were born, you had intact Self-Esteem. It is your birthright. Every baby receives that gift. As soon as you met significant others, such as, mother, father, or other caretakers, siblings, uncles, aunts, and grandparents, there were op-portunities for comparison with other peoples’ skills, appearance, and behavior.
You may have heard:
1. “You are bad.”
2. “You can’t do that.”
3. “I wish you were never born!”
4. “Why aren’t you like your brother or sister?”
5. “I’m ashamed of you.”
6. “You will never amount to anything.”
7. “You don’t live up to my expectations.”
8. “Who do you think you are?”
9. “You are stupid.”
10. “When will you ever learn?”
All of those words could cut you to the bone. If you heard these statements it is likely you have remembered them all of your life. These words impacted you more if your parents put you down or criticized you. These comments are all based on Self-Image and they can destroy your Self-Esteem!
As you move forward in your life, different times of the year will cause memories to emerge. The pleasure or pain of previous experiences influences the actions you will take. For example, you may be one of many people who, during the Christmas season, do not want to go home because your parents still treat you like a child, bringing up painful childhood memories. You may make other plans to avoid such pain. Then, feelings of guilt could emerge. As a result, you may feel so pressured that you go home even though you do not want to. How do you release the painful memories and create pleasure?
Do you recall a favorite story when you were a child? Did you ask a parent to read you the story over and over again? Do you know how come you wanted to listen? Would you agree the answer is that you knew the endings which made you feel safe, secure and familiar? Do you still want to know the endings to feel safe, secure and familiar?
I believe any memory that makes you feel uncomfortable is something you may want to avoid; like going home for the holidays. However, what can you do to create happy memories? How can you avoid comparing NOW with then?
Accept yourself where you are right now! Avoid comparison (Self-Image) and create more pleasure in your life. Decide now to develop your Self-Esteem. As you feel better about yourself, you attract the same feelings from others. Begin by practicing what is written below:
1. Avoid all put downs and criticism of self and others.
2. Release all gossip.
3. Avoid hanging onto painful past experiences. Let them go.
4. Focus on the best qualities of yourself and every member of your family.
5. Be other-centered. Give your undivided attention to each person you meet.
6. Upgrade your external listening skills.
7. Refine your Art of Asking Questions.
8. Ask people to share information with you, about their life experiences.
9. Develop more friendly relationships with each person in your family.
10. Create new memories so next year you can build on this year’s memory investment.
11. Realize the meaning of your communication is the outcome you receive.
12. Learn the power of affirmations and affirm each person you meet.
13. Choose each word carefully. Harsh words usually cause pain and soft words usually create pleasure.
Decide to develop your Self-Esteem – the self-respect you feel for yourself and then, watch what happens!
How do you know if your Self-Esteem is intact? Fill out this survey and “find out who you are!”
How Do You Promote Peace And Harmony?
Posted by: | CommentsHow do you feel about mass murders – where one human being in pain kills and injures numerous others? Newspaper, television, and radio report these kinds of things as the nation’s worst slaughters. It all happens in a very short period of time. The person doing the killing may have been depressed, lost a job, reported as always being quiet, or always being angry.
Can you see the damaging effects of unintact Self-Esteem? Self-Esteem is the self respect you feel for yourself. Anyone who commits this kind of crime had intact Self-Esteem when he was born. Yet, some people during his life taught him not to love himself. Gradually, he became angry. He repeated that behavior until the pain was so intense he felt he could only find peace in killing. This is a perfect example of a person who was devalued during his lifetime.
What can we learn from these events? I believe we need to appreciate the importance of affirming children starting at a very early age and continue the process for a lifetime. Do you compliment children when you meet them? Do you find it easy to help
people feel comfortable when you meet them? Do you make it a habit to avoid criticizing people? It requires diligent effort to change a habit.
Every day we add a new layer to our life. If the significant people in our lives helped us to feel important, then it is easy to help others feel important. Millions of people wake up every day lonely and depressed. Picture what would happen if they met someone like you who had intact Self-Esteem. They could receive compliments from you every day.
You can never take a vacation from your Self-Esteem, because you are the only one who is with you 24 hours a day. You have choices. First, decide to develop your Self-Esteem by being kind and gentle with yourself. Be aware of your self-talk. Notice how you treat yourself. Do you reward yourself daily? How well do you pamper you? You have the potential to influence the Self-Esteem of others to the degree you have intact Self-Esteem. You can only give what you have, nothing more. How would you feel if someone would say to you, “I like me best when I am with you”?
Compliment someone daily and then, watch what happens!
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Do You Relax And Enjoy Life?
Posted by: | CommentsHave you noticed how many people talk about the weather? People are concerned about snow, ice, temperature, rain, and the sun. People’s feelings can change because of their attitudes toward the daily weather. How do you feel about the daily weather changes? Do you feel any distress? Can you relax with the daily weather changes? Other potential areas for distress could be career or business changes, health, relationship tension, and unrealized expectations. How do you handle distress?
We will all have distress as we journey through life. How can we relax and enjoy life? Here are some suggestions:
1. Clarify your values. Discover what is important to you. Ask yourself, “If I only had six months to live what would I need to do, what would I want to do, and how are my relationships?” Then for the rest of your life, focus on these things and forget about the pressures you and others put on you.
2. Learn to relax. How is this possible? All you need is a quiet room. Start, by blotting out distractions for 10 to 15 minutes a day. Then build this up to a minimum of one hour of quiet time every day. Listen to mellow jazz or other relaxing music.
3. Be aware of your self talk and improve it. We all talk to ourselves and much of it is self-critical. Discipline yourself to emphasize the things you like about yourself. A book that can help you know about self-talk is, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself, by Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D..
4. Exercise regularly. Check with your doctor first and then find an exercise that you can do three times a week for 20 minutes each time.
5. Eat nutritionally. Discover how to fuel your body with the nutrition it needs to operate for you at the highest level.
6. Create balance in all seven areas of your life: Social, Financial, Mental, Spiritual, Physical, Career, and Family.
7. Release chemical dependency. One definition of stress is loss of control. The need to acquire control through artificial means accounts for the popularity of nicotine, alcohol, caffeine and drugs.
I believe that only with intact Self-Esteem can we find freedom from distress.
Decide now to make the next 12 months free from distress and then, watch what happens!
