Let’s begin by defining what we mean by “choice”.  Is a choice the same as a decision?  Many people make a distinction between them. Some decisions are “BIG”: “Shall we buy that new house in the better school district?”; “Shall I take that new job?”; or “Is it best for my company to market Product A or Product B?” The word “Decision” sounds so FINAL, as though there is no going back once the decision has been made.

Other choices often seem so much simpler, like “Shall I have dessert?” or “What golf club shall I use for this shot?”  These type of choices appear to have less effect on our lives.  They may be more open-ended and we know we can always do it over again.

Nevertheless, choices and decisions involve the same process.  We weigh alternatives (sometimes not for very long) and then we take an action.  Choices still affect the outcomes of our lives. Decisions can still be changed by making another one.  In order to highlight this similarity and to eliminate some of the anxiety associated with “decisions,” I will use the word “choices” for all of the selections that we make in our lives.

How do you learn to make choices that enhance your Self-Esteem and get the outcomes you want?  First, focus on outcomes–the results of the choice.  Identify what the outcomes will be from each of the alternatives (at minimum three and preferably more alternatives).  Determine what you will see, hear, and feel with each alternative.  From this sensory experience, choose which anticipated outcome you want most.  Immediately, take some action toward that choice.  DO SOMETHING.  As you continue to act toward your preferred outcome, relate what you see, hear, and feel, with what you want.  If you like what you are getting, continue doing it.  If you don’t like what you are getting, do something else!

Let’s say you are trying to choose what project to work on today.  First, consider what the alternatives are:

  1) You could finish the report on your recent tour of the West Coast client offices.
  2) You could write a proposal for the new project you thought of during the trip.
  3) You could catch up on your mail and the work (and gossip) your colleagues have been involved with in your absence.

Consider the outcomes from each choice.  If you write the report, you see yourself sitting all day at your computer and writing, with the end result a neat finished copy at the end of the day. You hear the boss tomorrow morning saying what a fruitful trip you had, and that the money was well-spent.  You feel your own sense of satisfaction at your accomplishment.

The new proposal is a speculative one which could mean lots of profits for the company if it works.  Since you know this is a long term project, you focus just on writing the proposal. Again, you see yourself working, and you see the finished proposal. You remember the excitement in the client’s voice when you mentioned the idea to her last week.  You feel your convictions growing as you put the ideas on paper and you realize how much fun you will have as you develop the proposal.  At the same time, you know this will delay the trip report, and it will be a challenge to get your boss to go along with the idea.
  
Finally, you could go and visit with others in the office.  You see yourself looking at the latest West Coast sales projections with Bob, and weighing them with what you have just learned from the clients.  In your mind you hear the excellent news about last quarter’s sales (and you hear Bob laughing as you tell him that great joke you heard in Seattle).  Finally, you feel how glad you are to be back with your buddies in the office.

Based on all of this, you choose to write the proposal for the new project.  Now that you have decided, you immediately set to work by writing an outline and drawing a picture of the new product.  As you continue to work, you monitor your reactions and whether or not you are getting what you wanted.  Perhaps about 10 o’clock you feel that you really miss talking to Bob.  Though you had initially planned to have lunch in your office, you call him up and set a time to go to lunch together.
How does your Self-Esteem relate to the choice-making process we have just described?  First, your Self-Esteem affects the accuracy of your perceptions and predictions.  When you are feeling respectful of yourself (my definition of Self-Esteem), your projected outcomes are independent of your ego-of any need to do things only to please others.

In the example above, you might have chosen to write the report because you knew you would get praise from the boss.  From a Self-Esteem standpoint, this is not a consideration in the choice-making process.

Second, Self-Esteem affects your connection with your feelings and your connection with others.  There is more to effective choices than the material side of what you see and hear.  Perhaps it was because of your Self-Esteem that you noticed your client’s enthusiasm for your new idea.  You allow the child-like sense of wonder and having fun to influence your choices.  Additionally, when you are in touch with your feelings, you know when you are not getting precisely the outcome you want and you take action to change it.  Choosing lunch with Bob was a response to feelings.

Third, your Self-Esteem affects your willingness to consider new alternatives, new ways of doing things, and not just continuing with more of the same.  A proposal for a new project is more likely to be considered when you make choices from a Self-Esteem perspective.

Making choices helps to build Self-Esteem too.  Choosing for yourself increases your feelings of self-respect, your Self-Esteem.  You realize your capability and responsibility for building your own life and your own Self-Esteem, choice by choice and outcome by outcome.

Sometimes we think that the big choices, life’s “decisions”, are the most important.  In fact it’s the little things we do every day that make the difference over the long term — things as simple as choosing what to work on today or how we will treat ourselves and others.

Throughout this article, we have taken the perspective that you know what you really, really, really want.  To make appropriate choices on an ongoing basis, you need to know what is truly important to you, what the overall outcome is for your life.  You need to know your values: “When your values are clear, choices are easy.”  Self-Esteem lets you discover and live your values.

Does this process describe a useful way for you to make choices? What new choices can you practice with this process?  When will you take action on one of those new choices?

Bill McGrane is President of the McGrane Global Centers creators of the Making it Happen and Move Into Your Greatness. The Centers offers, keynotes, seminars, consulting and products that improve individual and organizational performance. You can create highly responsible teams and produce a culture of responsibility.

Call 859-384-6333 or mcgrane@mcgrane.com or view our web site at www.mcgrane.com

1. Keep children out of relationships until you are certain the relationship is going somewhere.  Set a specific time to date and specific time to have one-on-one time with children for fun.
2. Watch your behavior, as this is what children develop.  Would you want the child to have this behavior?
3. Teach the child to respect the new mate.
4. Understand the role the new person is filling for the child.  This is a different role for the child than it is for you.
5. It is important for parents to speak respectfully of the other parent.  Do not diminish the other parent.
6. The new person in the child’s life needs to have positive language towards both parents.  No judgmental conversation.
7. Deal with conflict privately.
8. Make certain the child is not in the middle and not forced to take sides.
9. Keep your word and be honest with the child.
10. Don’t try to compensate with money what the relationship is missing.

Bill McGrane is President of the McGrane Global Centers creators of the Making it Happen and Move Into Your Greatness. The Centers offers, keynotes, seminars, consulting and products that improve individual and organizational performance. You can create highly responsible teams and produce a culture of responsibility.
 Call 859-384-6333 or mcgrane@mcgrane.com or view our web site at www.mcgrane.com

How to reframe a thought - experience or situation

1. Notice what your thinking , feeling, experiencing.

2. Ask yourself  “Do I want to continue?”

What am I thinking, feeling, experiencing and will I get the outcome I want?  If yes then continue.

If no, ask what do I really “times 7” want? That is, take your desired outcome and multiply it by 7!

3. Focus on what you really “times 7” want.  Ask yourself, “Am I taking the steps necessary to make that come true?  What can I say - do - feel to put things into perspective?”

The next step involves the emotion that interferes with thoughts.  Change your feeling of fear into desire.  You will get a new perspective that will energize you and move you toward your outcome. Feel the fear and do it anyway!!!

Okay, you’ve identified what you want, you’ve redirected your fear, but something is still nagging at you.  It is probably unfinished business.  Close out unfinished business as it will distract your energies from your goal.

Following these basic steps will enable you to deal with the issues at hand and run over your fear!.
 
Bill McGrane is President of the McGrane Global Centers creators of the Making it Happen and Move Into Your Greatness. The Centers offers, keynotes, seminars, consulting and products that improve individual and organizational performance. You can create highly responsible teams and produce a culture of responsibility.
 Call 859-384-6333 or mcgrane@mcgrane.com or view our web site at www.mcgrane.com

When we decided to search for the secret of their success, we were surprised at how simple the answer was.  Because what we found was so simple, we couldn’t believe so many companies don’t use this secret.

HINT #1:  SUCCESS IS AN ACCIDENT!

An accident as a system? Although this is not the main secret, we discovered that learning by accident is the most implemented system used as a primary success development tool in today’s corporation.  Does this sound familiar?  “Well, that didn’t work, let’s try something else!”

High performance companies always seemed to have a system to produce success no matter what challenge they faced.  The interesting part of this success pattern is that there was a lack of organization when their companies began…  All of the high performers were consistent in the way they developed their success systems.  In all truth, it was an accident when it started!

HINT #2: DECIDE–TO BE, OR NOT TO BE!
 
That is the real question all top management should ask: to be a high performance company, or not to be! 

We have worked with a large number of clients who have made the decision to become high performance.  The end rewards have been dramatically positive and let’s be perfectly frank, the journey never began the way they expected.  Life is constantly changing and a living, growing high performance company must adapt to change and handle daily challenges.  If you have ever raised a teenager, then you have some idea what to expect from your employees when you begin—unpredictability, inspiration, desperation, support and distance.  Be informed now:  You’re employees will constantly keep you on your toes!

HINT #3: FIND “ME” IN TEAM

High performance is not what an individual can do.  High performance is what a team can do!  Moreover, the secret we found had everything to do with how teams perform…  absolutely amazingly simple!
One plus one always adds to three or four in the best companies.  Teamwork is the valuable resource to increase productivity and quality.

Ruth, a friend of ours, went to work for one of the fastest growing (and highest performing) companies in this country.  She had never been a high performance type of person.  She was calm, laid back, often-shy type of person.  She still is, yet after six months on her new job, we were astounded with the success she was achieving because her corporate environment nurtured the value of teamwork.

HINT #4:  DEFINE YOUR SYSTEM FOR SUCCESS

Many, many people claim to have “success systems.”  So why aren’t there more successful companies full of successful people?

The secret we found worked even when the best systems we knew about were not in place.  The least likely companies, in the presence of this secret, became consistently successful.  Their performance frequently was two or three times what it had been … without stress.

So, are there systems for success … YES! 

HINT #5: WHAT DOES IT TAKE, HOW DOES IT HAPPEN?

Secrets are funny things.  Often they are secrets because no one really knows they exist.  This is the best secret of all!
A top employee leaves a top company to help a struggling company achieve the same success as the company he left.  He fails!  He goes to another company and he fails! Why?

Because he left without knowing the secret of why the company he left was successful.  He never learned WHY, he just learned HOW!

THE SECRET IS… 

Have you ever heard of an apprentice who failed?  Think about it….ever?  Do you know why?

Did you ever hear of a sales team of 50 professionals who all exceeded every goal given?  Think carefully!  That kind of success would fill the papers worldwide.

So how can one company’s success be so consistent, and another be so difficult?

Attitude can only take you so far.  Experience is only a time measure.  Training and development programs are largely misused.

The secret is knowing, really knowing, the real product of your company.  No matter what industry we surveyed.  No matter how many employees we studied in depth.  No matter where in the world we looked, it was consistently true.

Companies that viewed their employees as their best product always were at the top in performance by whatever measure used.  There it is.  Simple isn’t it?  An employee accidentally finds a better success system. An employee is just one person, but without them, there is no team. Through teamwork, you’ll discover the best system for success for your company through the gifts of your employees.

To learn more about Bill McGrane and his life transforming seminars Making It Happen and Move Into Your greatness, motivational speeches, coaching and products, to help you believe in yourself, live with balance and bring others into their greatness please visit our web site at www.mcgrane.com or contact us at 859-384-6333 or email us at mcgrane@mcgrane.com

• Do you know why it is important to love and be loved?  Are you aware of the ways you can demonstrate your love?

How Do You Create the Language of Love?
        
What is the language of love?  How do you know when you are loved totally and unconditionally?  Is it important to love and be loved?  Are you aware of the ways you demonstrate your love?  Can you love everyone you meet?  How do you create the language of love?

Make Your Presence Powerful

First, acknowledge each person you meet.  Give eye contact and use the person’s favorite word - their name!  This is music to their ears.  In addition, give people your undivided attention.  Listen and hear what they have to say.  When was the last time someone really listened to you?  Listening is loving.

Second, appreciate people.  Recognize their existence and presence.  “Start where people are, not where you want them to be.”  “Move in and out of their world on their terms not yours.”  This is the best way to connect with people.  They feel special when they know that someone is really appreciating where they are coming from.

The third simple step is to give affirmation.  An affirmation is a declaration to set in motion a way of being.  Affirmation comes from the Latin affirmare and means to make firm.  Thomas Kane, in his book Happy Are You Who Affirm says, “The healing touch of affirmation means I encourage persons to BE who they are, immaturity and shortcomings included, so that their potential may BE realized.”  Find qualities in people that serve them and give affirmation.  For example, “Michael, you a sensitive person and I congratulate you on how you help others.”  Be specific when giving and affirmation.  Give them freely, daily and then watch what happens!    

Bill McGrane is President of the McGrane Global Centers creators of the Making it Happen and Move Into Your Greatness. The Centers offers, keynotes, seminars, consulting and products that improve individual and organizational performance. You can create highly responsible teams and produce a culture of responsibility.  Call 859-384-6333 or mcgrane@mcgrane.com or view our web site at www.mcgrane.com.