Archive for Self-Esteem
What brings true happiness?
Posted by: | CommentsHave you ever thought you had what would bring you happiness? You were satisfied, however, something was still missing. You felt unfulfilled.
Value judging is the only thing that will injure or destroy your Self-Esteem. It is comparing your values with the values of others to find their agreement or disagreement. Most value judging, about 90% of it, is done on a nonconscious level; you don’t even know you are doing it. However, you feel it! Some examples of value judging include: name calling, sarcasm, labeling, controlling, put downs, comparison, criticism and putting people on a pedestal.
You are born with intact Self-Esteem. That is your birthright! Gradually, your Self-Esteem can be taken away from you by significant others: mothers, fathers, teachers, adults, and peers. You’ll never reclaim it until you have somebody who is genuinely interested in you. This individual helps you reclaim your Self-Esteem and make it a skill. Once you have a skill, no one can take it away from you!
When my father was a boy, he lived in the small town of Sugar Notch, Pennsylvania. From age seven to seventeen his father was on welfare. For most of his early life he felt like a nobody. He lived in an unintact Self-Esteem environment. His mother and father felt like nobodies, and his two sisters felt like nobodies. Then in the ninth grade, a teacher said, “Bill, I believe you can win the Latin metal.” Now he never raised his hand in class, never spoke up in groups, yet here was a teacher who believed he could win the Latin metal. With her help, he did! Then as a senior in high school, a teacher said, “I believe you can win the public speaking contest.” He didn’t believe her. She said, “We’re going to practice, rehearse and drill until you get that skill.” That was the beginning of his journey of doing qualitative research to discover the answers to these questions: “How come I hurt so much?” “How come other people hurt so much?” and “What can be done about it?”
When we first started studying Self-Esteem, people ridiculed and abandoned the idea as a “throw-away concept.” Now, they’re two of the hottest words in the English language because everybody is going through pain. The economy, relationships, marriages, families, teenagers, baby boomers and senior citizens all giver us great opportunities to see the differences between self-image and Self-Esteem. Self-Esteem is the bottom line for the future; for family and business relationships. When you live by self-image, you are guaranteed pain, because you base your life on comparison and value judging. When you have Self-Esteem, which is the self-respect you feel for yourself, then you have “freedom.” It does not matter if you are young, or old, or somewhere in between, we all have inside feelings. No one can know what you are feeling inside unless you let them know. Things may appear “perfect” on the outside, while you may be “dying” on the inside.
Tomorrow we will talk about the worlds number one epidemic and what you can do to keep it out of your life.
Share with us your questions and comments.
What is not self esteem – the series
Posted by: | CommentsLet us understand what Self-Esteem is not. Self-Esteem is not egotism, self-concept, self-confidence, or self-image. Egotism is self-centeredness, a constant excessive reference to oneself. Self-concept is what you think about your developed and undeveloped areas (skills). Self-confidence is a belief or trust in yourself. Self-image is an imitation or representation of a person. It is not real. It is what you would “like” to present to the world.
Self-Esteem has nothing to do with how much money you have or make, your reputation, the job or career you have, your race, the clothes you wear, your religion, your educational level, your ethnic background, what you own, your sex, where you live, or your zip code. It does not matter how you have focused your life. Self-Esteem is very simple – once again, it is the respect you feel for yourself! Carl Jung said, “Simple things are always the most difficult. In actual life, it requires the greatest discipline to be simple and, the acceptance of oneself is the essence of the problem and the epitome of a whole outlook upon life.”
Many people center their lives around spiritual beliefs. The religions of the world have, at their core, beliefs such as: “All life is scared;” (Hinduism). “Gaining a complete knowledge of the inner self;” (Buddism). “Love thy neighbor as thyself;” (Judiasm/Christianity). In our Western Judao/Christian culture, many of us have not been encouraged to love ourselves. This is often considered egotism and unacceptable. Yet, you first have to love yourself before you can love others. I also personally believe that Self-Esteem is at the core of moving toward your spiritual excellence. The respect you feel for yourself is all you can give to yourself and others. You will learn, grow, have peace of mind, be generous, manage, accept differences and responsibility, have T.U.L. (Total Unconditional Love), acceptance, sell, teach, parent, and act based on your Self-Esteem - the self respect you feel for yourself. Again, you cannot give what you don’t have. You can only give what you have, and nothing more!
Tommorow we will talk about self esteem and happiness.
Share with us your questions and comments.
Self-Esteem: The Main Ingredient!
Posted by: | CommentsSelf-Esteem is a life or death issue! Only when you feel respectful of yourself, can you be respectful of others and other living things. You can give only what you have, nothing more. Therefore, you love, earn money, communicate, have relationships, manage, teach, sell, parent, nurture, and accept differences, based only on your Self-Esteem!
Self-Esteem, as I use the term, is the self respect you feel for yourself. It is a feeling! Psychiatrist and author Carl Jung once said, “We need not pretend to understand the world only by intellect; we apprehend it just as much by feeling.” Self-Esteem is at the core of all you think, say, do, and feel. Self-Esteem affects all seven areas of your life: Spiritual, Social, Mental, Physical, Financial, Family and Career. You can observe Self-Esteem in the behavior you and others display on a moment-to-moment basis. Please be aware that your Self-Esteem is always fluctuating, it is always in process, it is intangible, and it is recognized in your behavior. As a result, you may feel very respectful of yourself one moment while in the next, your Self-Esteem can be in the pits.
