Masks

Deciding which mask I should put on everyday was a struggle.  A desperate need to show my true beauty to others was my highest priority.  Like most people, I wanted to look good.  But choosing which display wasn’t the only thing I was worried about; it was the people’s reactions and opinions that left me with the final impression of my decision.  Sorting through the massive clutter was stressful enough, but not enough for me.  I had to choose the perfect disguise in order to fulfill my desperate needs.  Then suddenly, my collection got too expansive and overwhelming.  Something needed to change.  Was it that I needed more colorful masks? Or maybe that I just needed to start my collection over? My voyage to find the perfect mask came to an end during the summer of 2010 when I attended the McGrane Global Centers, Move Into Your Greatness program.  I found exactly what I was searching for my whole life.  But what I found was no ordinary façade.  It was the face behind the mask that I began to boast.

             My entire life I have been using every ounce of my energy to make people happy— happy with me, happy with themselves, and happy with others.  I never thought of how draining this really was.  In order to fill them up, I left myself completely empty.  In order to satisfy everybody’s needs, I put a “mask” on to fit the profiles of what they wanted me to be.

             After years of hidden and isolated times, I came out of the program with no mask on my face.  Sensitive to the warm sun, my pale face was now exposed to the world.  Horrified of possible blemishes, yet the willingness to be comfortable being uncomfortable, I stood and basked in the sunlight for all to see.  Of course fear overwhelmed my body, but there was something about finally being exposed that just felt so right.  It felt so refreshing.  Could this really be happening?  Can I really go out in public without a mask on? 

             But the extraordinary thing I began to realize was, no mask can ever be your true identity.  Emotionless, apprehensive, and stone-like I was.  Did people really want me to be this way?  My immediate answer was yes, but after guidance came and showed me how beautiful my face was, I will never turn back.

             So the moral of this story is being courageous enough to let go of all of the facades and show people who you really are instead constantly attempting to adapt to each specific mold.  Energy, respect, originality, and confidence disappear until the mask is finally lifted.  Be yourself, love yourself, and honor yourself until the day you die.  Live by originality, and through originality, success will prevail.

 Christopher King  – See his video sharing the story

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Value judging is the only thing that will injure or destroy your Self-Esteem.  It is comparing your values with the values of others to find their agreement or disagreement.  Most value judging, about 90% of it, is done on a nonconscious level; you don’t even know you are doing it.  However, you feel it!  Some examples of value judging include: name calling, sarcasm, labeling, controlling, put downs, comparison, criticism and putting people on a pedestal.

You are born with intact Self-Esteem. That is your birthright!  Gradually, your Self-Esteem can be taken away from you by significant others: mothers, fathers, teachers, adults, and peers.  You’ll never reclaim it until you have somebody who is genuinely interested in you.  This individual helps you reclaim your Self-Esteem and make it a skill.  Once you have a skill, no one can take it away from you!

When my father was a boy, he lived in the small town of Sugar Notch, Pennsylvania. From age seven to seventeen his father was on welfare.  For most of his early life he felt like a nobody.  He lived in an unintact Self-Esteem environment.  His mother and father felt like nobodies, and his two sisters felt like nobodies.  Then in the ninth grade, a teacher said, “Bill, I believe you can win the Latin metal.”  Now he never raised his hand in class, never spoke up in groups, yet here was a teacher who believed he could win the Latin metal.  With her help, he did!  Then as a senior in high school, a teacher said, “I believe you can win the public speaking contest.”  He didn’t believe her.  She said, “We’re going to practice, rehearse and drill until you get that skill.”  That was the beginning of his journey of doing qualitative research to discover the answers to these questions: “How come I hurt so much?”  “How come other people hurt so much?” and “What can be done about it?”

When we first started studying Self-Esteem, people ridiculed and abandoned the idea as a “throw-away concept.”  Now, they’re two of the hottest words in the English language because everybody is going through pain.  The economy, relationships, marriages, families, teenagers, baby boomers and senior citizens all giver us great opportunities to see the differences between self-image and Self-Esteem.  Self-Esteem is the bottom line for the future; for family and business relationships.  When you live by self-image, you are guaranteed pain, because you base your life on comparison and value judging.  When you have Self-Esteem, which is the self-respect you feel for yourself, then you have “freedom.”   It does not matter if you are young, or old, or somewhere in between, we all have inside feelings.  No one can know what you are feeling inside unless you let them know.  Things may appear “perfect” on the outside, while you may be “dying” on the inside.    

Tomorrow we will talk about the worlds number one epidemic and what you can do to keep it out of your life.
Share with us your questions and comments.

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Self-Esteem has nothing to do with how much money you have or make, your reputation, the job or career you have, your race, the clothes you wear, your religion, your educational level, your ethnic background, what you own, your sex, where you live, or your zip code.  It does not matter how you have focused your life.  Self-Esteem is very simple – once again, it is the respect you feel for yourself!  Carl Jung said, “Simple things are always the most difficult.  In actual life, it requires the greatest discipline to be simple and, the acceptance of oneself is the essence of the problem and the epitome of a whole outlook upon life.”

Many people center their lives around spiritual beliefs.  The religions of the world have, at their core, beliefs such as:   “All life is scared;” (Hinduism).  “Gaining a complete knowledge of the inner self;” (Buddism).  “Love thy neighbor as thyself;” (Judiasm/Christianity).  In our Western Judao/Christian culture, many of us have not been encouraged to love ourselves.  This is often considered egotism and unacceptable.  Yet, you first have to love yourself before you can love others.  I also personally believe that Self-Esteem is at the core of moving toward your spiritual excellence.  The respect you feel for yourself is all you can give to yourself and others.  You will learn, grow, have peace of mind, be generous, manage, accept differences and responsibility, have T.U.L. (Total Unconditional Love), acceptance, sell, teach, parent, and act based on your Self-Esteem - the self respect you feel for yourself.  Again, you cannot give what you don’t have.  You can only give what you have, and nothing more!

Tommorow we will talk about self esteem and happiness.
Share with us your questions and comments.

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For the short term break your next steps into very practical and specific baby steps that are measurable.  Like, I will communicate what I need and want to my spouse and children.  Assess your progress each day, week and month.  Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10.  In fact ask others for feedback on how you are doing.

Get an accountability partner, coach or mentor to help you stay on track.

Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen?  If you can live with that then the best that can happen will come to you.  If you want to get past the ordinary you need to intensify your activities so the extraordinary can exist.

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