Are Self-Image And Self-Esteem Different?
ByMy qualitative research convinces me that Self-Esteem is the number one issue to be addressed in order to obtain the best results in life. For over 45 years, I have asked these questions:
1. How come I hurt so much?
2. How come other people hurt so much?
3. How come there are millions of people addicted to food, alcohol and drugs?
4. How come there is so much violence?
5. How come 85% of American workers are unfulfilled in what they do?
Do you remember how you felt about yourself 5-10-15 years ago? Where is your Self-Esteem now? How would you have answered the questions below 5-10-15 years ago and now? How will you answer them 5-10-15 years from now?
1. What is your purpose for living?
2. What do you like least about yourself?
3. What do you like best about yourself?
4. Who made the greatest impact on your life?
5. What did that person do for you?
6. What makes you most alive?
7. What new skill(s) will you learn in the next 5-10-15 years?
8. What legacy will you leave behind for having lived your life?
What memories do you want to create, to look back on 5-10-15 years from now, that will be different from your past memories? The reality is that you will create memories of Self-image or Self-Esteem. What is the difference?
Self-image is an imitation or representation of what you want to present to the world. It is comparison of yourself and others. It is a facade; unreal. Self-Esteem is the self respect you feel for yourself.
How do you know if your Self-Esteem is intact? When you were born, you had intact Self-Esteem. It is your birthright. Every baby receives that gift. As soon as you met significant others, such as, mother, father, or other caretakers, siblings, uncles, aunts, and grandparents, there were op-portunities for comparison with other peoples’ skills, appearance, and behavior.
You may have heard:
1. “You are bad.”
2. “You can’t do that.”
3. “I wish you were never born!”
4. “Why aren’t you like your brother or sister?”
5. “I’m ashamed of you.”
6. “You will never amount to anything.”
7. “You don’t live up to my expectations.”
8. “Who do you think you are?”
9. “You are stupid.”
10. “When will you ever learn?”
All of those words could cut you to the bone. If you heard these statements it is likely you have remembered them all of your life. These words impacted you more if your parents put you down or criticized you. These comments are all based on Self-Image and they can destroy your Self-Esteem!
As you move forward in your life, different times of the year will cause memories to emerge. The pleasure or pain of previous experiences influences the actions you will take. For example, you may be one of many people who, during the Christmas season, do not want to go home because your parents still treat you like a child, bringing up painful childhood memories. You may make other plans to avoid such pain. Then, feelings of guilt could emerge. As a result, you may feel so pressured that you go home even though you do not want to. How do you release the painful memories and create pleasure?
Do you recall a favorite story when you were a child? Did you ask a parent to read you the story over and over again? Do you know how come you wanted to listen? Would you agree the answer is that you knew the endings which made you feel safe, secure and familiar? Do you still want to know the endings to feel safe, secure and familiar?
I believe any memory that makes you feel uncomfortable is something you may want to avoid; like going home for the holidays. However, what can you do to create happy memories? How can you avoid comparing NOW with then?
Accept yourself where you are right now! Avoid comparison (Self-Image) and create more pleasure in your life. Decide now to develop your Self-Esteem. As you feel better about yourself, you attract the same feelings from others. Begin by practicing what is written below:
1. Avoid all put downs and criticism of self and others.
2. Release all gossip.
3. Avoid hanging onto painful past experiences. Let them go.
4. Focus on the best qualities of yourself and every member of your family.
5. Be other-centered. Give your undivided attention to each person you meet.
6. Upgrade your external listening skills.
7. Refine your Art of Asking Questions.
8. Ask people to share information with you, about their life experiences.
9. Develop more friendly relationships with each person in your family.
10. Create new memories so next year you can build on this year’s memory investment.
11. Realize the meaning of your communication is the outcome you receive.
12. Learn the power of affirmations and affirm each person you meet.
13. Choose each word carefully. Harsh words usually cause pain and soft words usually create pleasure.
Decide to develop your Self-Esteem – the self-respect you feel for yourself and then, watch what happens!
How do you know if your Self-Esteem is intact? Fill out this survey and “find out who you are!”
