Archive for November, 2009
Family Business
Posted by: | CommentsA second generation family business was prospering and doing well. Then unfortunately the father passed away and left the business to the mother. There were five brothers and sisters working the business and had a challenging relationship with their controlling and unloving father. When the mother took over the business, she had decided she had had enough and decided to sell the business. This left the entire family looking for work. The son had a six figure income prior to the sale of the business. Having a wife and five children and unemployed for seven months brought him to the realization that he did not really have the skills to make things work in an “outside” job situation. He also came to the understanding that because of the unloving relationship he had with his father, his self-esteem had bottomed out and he truly did not have the people skills he needed to be effective in a job interview. The biggest issue was that he did not “have a plan” and he did not know where to turn for help or really what kind of help he needed.
The plan we laid out was to get the support of his wife for the five day program and to speak truth to her. When I asked him if his wife knew how he felt, he said no, I have never spoken to her about anything like this before.
Tune in tomorrow to hear the rest of the story…..
Questions….
Posted by: | CommentsQuestions tell others you care enough about them to take the time to learn more about them, what they’re feeling, what they need. You can shine a light of caring and love over them by asking questions. When your self-esteem is healthy, you’ll find yourself using questions to uplift and encourage the poeple around you. Then watch what happens! People will come alive and love you for making it happen.
There is definitely an art to asking questions – of yourself as well as others. You can ask yourself appropriate, effective questions to help you get the outcomes you want in your personal and professional relationships. The questions you ask yourself and how effectively you answer them determines the degree to which you’ll be able to ask effective questions of others.
My father, William J. McGrane, Jr., was a master teacher. His life was filled with his own emotional pain and problematic self-esteem and because of what he observed and experienced he constantly asked himself two questions: ”Why do I and others hurt so much, and what can be done about it?” As a result, he embarked on a life-long quest researching self-esteem, beginning when he was a senior in high school Dad knew there had to be an answer to what was causing him so much pain.
In college, he learned that words had power and soon became a wordsmith. He began abusing their power, using them inappropriately-increasingly intimidating those around him. He would feel powerful for a moment, yet his pain would only increase, driving him to search for a way to relieve it.
He finally discovered the missing piece was value judging. He had been comparing his value to that of others and this can injure or destroy self esteem.
Have you compared yourself with others and the outcomes they have? Do you struggle daily with knowing who you are? Take a look inside and ask yourself if you have been showing love and respect to yourself…. this is the first step to healing the pain.
Communication Part 2
Posted by: | CommentsAfter your day with friends and family, did you notice any tension in the air? Did you respond with total unconditional love? Have you become aware of the impact your words have on yourself and others? Notice feelings you create within yourself with the words you use and recognize that what you say to others can impact them for a lifetime.
Can you recall the words significant people in your life have said to you — possibly your father, mother, brother, sister, teacher, mentor, manager, friend or spouse? Even if you don’t recall the person who said those words, nonetheless, the words are still with you! Has anyone every used words in an attempt to put you down or make you feel inferior? How were those words expressed and how did you feel in response to them? What words were used by someone who loves you? What did he or she say and what feelings were created in you by those words? Relax and allow whatever comes up to emerge. Write it down. Did you come up with any comments or statements made to you, perhaps even years ago? If you did, then you appreciate the power of words, their impact on you and how long they’ve stayed with you.
My third-grade teacher used to say, “Bill, never talk in front of people because they’ll laugh at you.” As a young boy, I slurred my Ss and Ts and needed to be taught how to speak. The problem, though, was that I interpreted her statement to mean “Bill, shut up! Don’t talk to people. They’ll only laugh at you.” The impact of those words caused me to remain quiet and shy for five years!
Begin to use words that empower others as well as yourself….
